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Silent
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PostSubject: Untitled: few titles in mind   Fri Aug 11, 2006 11:54 am

Hope you like it Razz

The lights were there, moving back and forth in the darkness, I could see them every time I looked back. Blinking out now and again as they moved past trees and bushes. They were searching for me already? The faint light from the moon made the leaves glow eerily around me as I ran bare foot through the forest. This was my second attempt at running from them, and more then likely they would catch me and throw me back into the disgusting pit I managed to pull myself from.
I’m 15 now. For 8 years I’ve been kept in a square pit, now and again I was pulled out and strapped to a chair just to be asked questions like ‘who are you?’ and ‘Tell us demon child, where are you from?’ I’m still clueless as to why, its all I’ve ever known. All I knew was that the people who hunted me like an animal are as scared of me as I was of them. Why? Because I’m a freak, or ‘demon child’ as they have named me. I couldn’t keep the pace, I could feel my side begin to ache with exhaustion and as I slowed I tripped on a root protruding for the leafy floor. I looked up in panic and stared at an ancient oak tree barely visible in the supernatural twilight. My thoughts where jumbled as I tried to think, should I keep running? No. I can’t go on like this. I pulled my self behind the mighty tree and put my head to my scarred knees, I couldn’t take this anymore, so I started to cry. My tears carved a warm river through the dirt that clung to my legs. I felt weak. Without proper food I’d never get far, I succumbed to my tiredness and fell into a nightmarish sleep.

***


Rain poured from the sky soaking the now slippery leaves that littered the ground. Drops of water made there way through the leaves and landed repeatedly on the Boy’s roughly shaven head. A few paces away sat a red fox. She was sitting straight with her head held still. Her ears flickered to catch ever noise and her noise twitched to catch ever smell. She eyed the human suspiciously ready to defend herself or run if need be. She watched as the Boy rolled over, head turning from side to side. She could smell fear and pain coming from the human and this made her wiry to approach. She tilted her head sideways and dashed into a small hole under the tree opposite and lay down, staring at the Boy with a strange curiosity that she just had to satisfy.

I woke suddenly; unaware of my surroundings I immediately tried to stand. Panic filled my mind as I forced my back flat against the tree. I flicked my eyes madly from side to side searching for a man with a knife or sword. Then memories flowed into my head soothing my tense muscles. Strange noises came to my ears, chirping, sounds of leaves blowing and the cooing of some sort of bird I presumed. All around me in every direction were trees’, mostly birch, oak and ash. Dotted around the place were the pointy one’s, I had never been taught their name. I sat back down, and wished instinct would tell me what to do next, but it didn’t. I had been taught how to read before I was taken to that awful pit. I never knew my parents, no one knew anything about them. Then again who would want to admit they were the parents of an atrocity like me. As I studied my surroundings more I slowly came to realize that being out in the open wasn’t as good as I had hoped. My only solution was to think this through, properly. Sure the fresh air would do me good, but what about the wild animals, and the fact that I had no idea where I was or how to get out of this forest.

***


A breeze blew leaves into the hole under the tree. A face full of leaves suddenly wakened the fox that had fallen asleep while watching the boy. She rolled off her back onto her soft paws and then lay down low. She sniffed the air but there was only the faint scent of the child. Darting out of the hole she stuck her noise in the air sniffing furiously, then she had it, the child had started moving off in the direction of the wet thing. She trotted of to follow the boy, the curiosity still burning at her like an itch.

I stopped at the edge of a lake, the water was silvery in the early morning light and the forest around me reflected in it. I plunged my head into it, feeling the icy water rush over my head. It was a welcome relief as scooped up the pure water and drank deeply, taking in huge mouthfuls trying to satisfy my ravenous thirst. As I look up fear clutched me in his grasp once more, I froze. A ripple of water came towards me from middle of the lake, disrupting the mirror image of the trees. I kneeled lower and watch as a girl in a canoe slowly made her way across the lake, my muscles relaxed as she was concentrating to hard on paddling to notice me, which was lucky as I had no reeds near me to hide. I kept still, I didn’t want to be seen. She could be from the village I had recently escaped from. I slowly pulled my hands from the water not moving my eyes from her. She had blond hair that seemed luminous in the soft glow of dawn. I couldn’t see her eyes and I had never seen cloths like hers. There was some sort of bag in the front of the canoe, which was obviously carved from wood but with great skill as it moved effortlessly through the water. I started to back away from the water, trying to move as slowly as possible.

***


My bare feet moved across the smooth pebbles that surrounded the edge of the lake. Then I stopped, something was behind me, I could feel its eyes on me. I was stuck. Either it was hunters behind me or something else. My breathing increased I could feel fear welding up inside me, I cant be caught I again. I won’t be caught again. In on swift movement I spun round and dashed straight into the forest. What ever had been watching me had fled as soon as I moved. I kept running then turned and ran in the direction I was heading the night before. Branches hammered at my body from all sides as I ran. I felt the rag that cover my low half tare and pull away from me but I didn’t care I kept running, using energy I never thought I had, all the time repeating in my head “I wont be caught again!”.

***


A pile of leaves was moving up and down furiously, the fox they concealed was almost frightened to death by the boy’s unexpected charge. How did he know she was there? This was just a slab of meat for her curiosity to devour. She wanted more, the strange boy was obviously special and she wanted to know in what way. She slid her nose out of her camouflage of foliage, sniffed the air and darted of. She had his scent again and she wouldn’t forget it in a hurry.

I slowed down again and ducked behind a tree. Leaning out from behind it I scanned the path I had run, nothing. I sat down, exhausted again and by the looks of things, for no good reason. Was something wrong with me? Maybe all the time I spent in that pit had affected my brain, or maybe I was hit on the head too hard when I was questioned. I tried to push the questions about my sanity from my mind and concentrate on the important things. First, I couldn’t live in the forest, it was to close to my captors. Second, I needed some sort of protection for myself, some sort of wooded staff comes to mind and Third, I needed food and soon. I could feel my lack of nourishment beginning to take affect, one of the tricks to keep me from running away again was giving me less food. My stomach grumbled as I thought of the potato skins and occasional fat covered slivers of meat, it wasn’t much but to me it was the best grub around.
I had found a tree with a hollow in it. Some sort of creature must have used it in the past as it was stuffed with leaves that were now dry and uncomfortable, still, it was more comfy then sleeping by that oak tree a while back. That night I was unsettled, waking up often and getting little sleep. A couple times I opened my eyes for a few seconds and seen a fox sitting on a log just outside my natural shelter. I took as just a dream as I was unaware whether or not I was still sleeping or awake.

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Last edited by on Mon Aug 14, 2006 1:48 pm; edited 12 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Fri Aug 11, 2006 12:07 pm

why not just call it something like...

pit?

its very good though. even after this short paragraph or so you have a feel for what the character is feeling and their fear, and also whats happening. :]

xx||xx
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Silent
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Fri Aug 11, 2006 12:16 pm

The pits not really important in the story but thanks for the suggestion, you ever find that after you post something is when u see stupid spelling mistakes.. even though you scanned through it looking for them and didnt see any.. humm...
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Fri Aug 11, 2006 12:24 pm

How's about Demon Child? Any way, the writing was terrific. I felt as though I was there, and I only noticed a couple spelling and grammar mistakes. It's good. You have left me craving some more, like who is she, who's after her and go deeper into why their after her.
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Silent
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Fri Aug 11, 2006 12:29 pm

Twisted Evil Demon Child was one of the titles in mind Razz as for the spelling mistakes I can only correct them and then edit my post Very Happy thanks for the comment Razz
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Fri Aug 11, 2006 12:32 pm

Silent wrote:
The pits not really important in the story but thanks for the suggestion, you ever find that after you post something is when u see stupid spelling mistakes.. even though you scanned through it looking for them and didnt see any.. humm...

haha yeah i know what you mean. i tend to type mine in word then copy and paste into these otherwise i end up with tons of mistakes (im rubbish at typing lol)

yours looks pretty good though, i didnt notice anything :]

and knight thorn, who says its a she aye? lol

x||x
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Silent
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Fri Aug 11, 2006 12:50 pm

Its a she?? thanks knight u just made a decision for me MuHAHAHAHAHA
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Fri Aug 11, 2006 12:54 pm

wasn't there a story in the papers recently about a little girl (8 or something) who was convinced by her parents that she was a demon and they used to beat her and stuff but she never thought to tell anyone because she had been convinced she deserved it..

what a horrible thing to happen...

hurry up and write some more :p
lol
x||x
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:15 pm

OOO I heard that... maybe thats what gave me the idea.. then again I hadn't decided wether it was going to be a girl or a guy... humm...

Ill post more tomorrow.. im fiddling with ideas atm XD
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:44 pm

cool well tell me when theyre posted and ill comment :]

x||x
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Silent
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Fri Aug 11, 2006 2:04 pm

More added!!! Just look for the *** i'll do that between each bit I add.
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Fri Aug 11, 2006 2:10 pm

wow

i like the way the scenes been set. with the fox and the bird sound sbeing added in there it felt like, the worst was over and the "hunters" or whatever are off the trail.

i like how the little girl has escaped the evil, but seems to feel dependant on them for surviving; like shes wondering why she escaped.

very good :]
x||x
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Fri Aug 11, 2006 2:18 pm

^^ glad u like it Razz ill post more tomorrow lol
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Fri Aug 11, 2006 2:28 pm

phew

well thats me sorted for evening entertainment tomorrow then haha

x||x
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Sat Aug 12, 2006 3:01 am

Changed my mind, find it easier to make my character a boy.. so ... yer im changing it lol...
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Sat Aug 12, 2006 4:27 am

well it would be easier to write seeing as you'd have that in common....

lol

x||x
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Sat Aug 12, 2006 5:09 am

yer... plus i dont like writing from a girls point of view... last time i did it i was mistaken for a girl O.o
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Sat Aug 12, 2006 5:21 am

hahah Razz

well silent isnt really a gender specific name is it.
lol

x||x
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Sat Aug 12, 2006 5:28 am

e hem if you would care to notice the male symbol under my avatar Razz

gonna post a bit more im writing atm....
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Sat Aug 12, 2006 5:29 am

SHHSHHHHH!

lol
i did notice that i just forgot.

x||x
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Sat Aug 12, 2006 5:29 am

lol if you say so...
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Sat Aug 12, 2006 7:50 am

bit more added ^
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Sat Aug 12, 2006 6:06 pm

ooo just read the adds!
really good again.
i like how its switching between the fox and the boy; even if it wasnt italics it would still be clear what was happening.

two things though; if youre gonna change the character to be a boy, you need to edit the first couple of paragraphs to agree with it! lol
and

"I plunged my head into it, feeling the icy water rush over my head." get rid of one of the "head"s.

x||x

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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Sun Aug 13, 2006 12:23 pm

ahhh, i changed it on my copy... ill change it when i post more Razz
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PostSubject: Re: Untitled: few titles in mind   Sun Aug 13, 2006 2:42 pm

MWahahha Kewl story
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