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 One of my songs

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Acinonyx Jubatus

Male Number of posts : 94
Age : 28
Location : North Carolina
Age : 16
Writing forte/s : Science-fiction
Registration date : 2006-08-11

PostSubject: One of my songs   Sun Aug 13, 2006 2:44 pm

Theres no Heaven, only Hell
And us living in an empty shell
This mass we were put in
To commit nothing but sin
At the point when we die
We will never fly
But we'll sink down
Into the depths of the underground

No Heaven above us
Only Hell below
These thoughts make you hush
The thoughts make you slow
The truth is revealed

You hope there is a God
When your parents just nod
But God's not there
Nor is he anywhere
Only Satan roams the Earth
Damning everyone at birth
So they join him in Hell
Living in an everlasting cell


Please believe when I say
We will all pay
For everything we have done
There's nowhere we can run
Our lives are over
I'll see you in Hell
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Mod in a tam 'o shanter
Mod in a tam 'o shanter

Female Number of posts : 129
Age : 27
Location : England :]
Age : 14
Registration date : 2006-08-11

PostSubject: Re: One of my songs   Wed Aug 16, 2006 4:47 pm

how very dark!

rhyming couplets can sometimes be hard to do as theres so much rhyming to be done but you've done it really well,
theres no bad rhyming :]


Good Friendships Are Like Wetting Your Pants:

Everyone Can See It But Only You Can Feel Its True Warmth. Thankyou For Being The Piss In My Pants.
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Female Number of posts : 12
Age : 28
Location : In the dark, but I can still see you!!!
Age : 16
Writing forte/s : poetry
Registration date : 2006-08-17

PostSubject: Re: One of my songs   Thu Aug 17, 2006 7:37 pm

i love this poem! dark as it may be but i like it a lot! you're good at the rhyming by the way.
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One of my songs
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