The Writing Desk

The Large Teenage Writer's Desk
 
HomeHome  FAQFAQ  SearchSearch  RegisterRegister  MemberlistMemberlist  UsergroupsUsergroups  Log in  

Share | 
 

 The Strawberry war (title may change)

Go down 
AuthorMessage
Admin
Kips (Big Shot/ admin)
Kips (Big Shot/ admin)
avatar

Female Number of posts : 146
Age : 26
Location : England
Age : Thirteen
Writing forte/s : Weird poetry and awful stories!
Registration date : 2006-08-11

PostSubject: The Strawberry war (title may change)   Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:18 pm

I posted this on TW as well but got barely any replies. so here sthe first chap. again

Chapter One
Matthias

Matthias is twelve years old, or thereabouts. No one can reall be certain since
the drink his mother pours down her throat, long-ago did away with any memories besides, 'The way home', or, 'the price of a bottle of cider'. She has given up trying to remember the individual names of her seven children and usually addresses Matthias merely as, "Oi, you! You're one of my lot, 'ent you?" The purpose of her behaviour isn't deliberate cruelty, it's just that the solace she finds in a bottle is worth far more than any she might squeeze from her children. So, since she can't be a mother to them, she pushes them away and withdraws into her drink.

Matthias' father has fathered so many children that he has taken to remembering the names of only those in work and from whom he might be able to 'borrow' the odd shilling from now and again. He is a fraud and a womanizer, often violent and whose softer side (if indeed he posses one), has remained so far undiscovered.

Since Matthias has little reason to stay at 'home', he has taken to roaming the streets. When night falls, he is forced to spend the night amongst the other homeless, down some nameless alley. At his age, Matthias is anything but conspicuous, with around fifty per cent of Kristellburg's homeless being under sixteen. Many of the children around Matthiasare as young as five and most even carry knives as protection against the rogues who would slit the childrens' throats for their boots.

However, during daylight hours, Matthias is surrounded by an interchangeable gang of urchins.
They spend their time terrorizing the Kristelburg townsfolk, often just for something to do.They also gamble passionately, although the takings are often simple things like pebbles or ciggarette stubbs, each with barely two puffs in them. Matthias lives souly on small foods;the sort that can be taken from stall in the market, fairly easilly.

Occasionally he finds work, of the legitimate kind, in the numerous stables of Kristellburg.This work is usually hard and altogether not very glamerous, including tasks such as cleaning out and sometimes feeding the horses. But what Matthias really wants to do, more than anything,is ride. For Matthias, the stable work is really torment. While he enjoys being around the horses, sometimes picking up information and tips from the riders he must also endure the almost constant put-downs, and desperate yearning to sit astride a powerful horse abd ride away through the North Gate of Kristellburg. Since Matthias is often painfully stubborn and proud, he seldom works the stables. The dignity he loses by mucking out and the jelousy at the horses' owners makes it less than worth his while.

Matthias is a rude boy, violent and disrespectful. He longs to grow up so that he can work his way up the ladder of one of the major gangs, such as, 'The Kristall Boys', and, 'Mama Lucker's lot'. The main group, of whom even brave Matthias is afraid, is the South Gate scum. To get on the wrong side of them is to sign your own death warrant.

One could be inclined to blame Matthias' parents for his behaviour, but as he reaches teenhood,
and so leaves his child's life behind, it may become questionable as to how long this exuse
will last. He knows that his behaviour is wrong but has seen precious little in the way of
good examples. He has never gone to school and can't even read or write.
But soon life for this agressive little street urchin is going to change.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://thepoeticteen.dynamicforum.net
Silent
Mod in a straw hat
Mod in a straw hat
avatar

Male Number of posts : 84
Age : 28
Location : Northern Ireland
Age : 16
Registration date : 2006-08-11

PostSubject: Re: The Strawberry war (title may change)   Sat Aug 12, 2006 2:42 am

Nice, spotted a few minor spelling mistakes but altogether I liked it although at the end I did get the feeling this is kind of like Oliver Twist… with a twist… I’d like to read more so ya know... write more… Very Happy
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.silentex.tk
Admin
Kips (Big Shot/ admin)
Kips (Big Shot/ admin)
avatar

Female Number of posts : 146
Age : 26
Location : England
Age : Thirteen
Writing forte/s : Weird poetry and awful stories!
Registration date : 2006-08-11

PostSubject: Re: The Strawberry war (title may change)   Sat Aug 12, 2006 3:01 am

Aw ya would? Hold on and I'll put up the second chap. anyway, I think that it really is a lot like Oliver Twist (never thought of that!), although it strongly involved other characters. Also, after a run in with Mama Lucker, a major gang leader, things become distinctly unlike Oliver. But thanks, I'll copy and paste it into word later and do a spell check.

Peace

Keira
xxxxx bounce
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://thepoeticteen.dynamicforum.net
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: The Strawberry war (title may change)   

Back to top Go down
 
The Strawberry war (title may change)
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Got your hands on a new anime/manga title? Discuss here!
» Help with Title ideas
» Small white vase and strawberry pot
» 2012 (working title) - Work In Progress
» Things Change Daily

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
The Writing Desk :: Improve Your Writing :: Novels-
Jump to: